New TSW columnist Eric Imhof gives us ten ways to distract ourselves from yesterday's loss to Southampton
If you’re anything like me, you have the tendency to allow your Saturdays (and sometimes Sundays or Tuesdays or Thursdays) to be almost ruined by a Swans loss - especially when it’s to a team they should beat, and doubly so when it’s a loss like today’s: one created simply by the committal of stupid mental mistakes. You may, like I do, then pore over the recaps and videos of chances missed, fouls inflicted, goals conceded... heavy sighs abound.
It’s enough to make you grumble, even without realizing, as I always do on Monday mornings, that you’ll be in somewhat of a sour mood until the next Swan’s win (or draw). No, I don’t want to watch Match of the Day. And no, I don’t care to see another Clint Dempsey bass-fishing photo*, I just want to get to the next match and put the previous face palm as far away in the rearview mirror as possible.
With that in mind, and in the interest of always looking on the bright side of life, I’ve come up with a list of ten things to do after a match to ease the pain of post-Swans-loss depression:
1. Drink. No explanation needed really.
2. Take a walk. Go outside and enjoy the beauty of commentator-free nature. Humans are evolutionarily adapted to walk slowly for long periods and hurdle the occasional felled tree or large boulder. Doing what you’re best suited to do will just seem right, even when the ref is so wrong.
3. Garden. Plants grow at a plodding pace, which will remind you that it’s a grueling season and these kinds of results are bound to happen from time to time over thirty-eight games. It’s just simple statistics.
4. Pet a cat or a dog. The indifferent stoicism of cats, especially, will be your rock. On to the next nap, er, match then, eh?
5. Browse the online store. No matter what happens, the Swans kits are pretty great, aren’t they? They say looking good is 90% of the battle. And by “they” I mean me.
6. Do all your chores. Nothing will cheer you up like doing all the shit you have to do this weekend, thus freeing up the rest of your time not completely packed with work for things like dreading all the remaining work you still have, or sleeping. See tip # 1.
7. Remember the United game at the start of this season. Oh that was sweet, wasn’t it? Nothing incredibly silly happened (except for Rooney’s hair).
8. Make some tea and listen to the Kinks. This one’s a little personal and I’d rather not say more, but trust me, it works.
9. Play football. It always takes me more than a day to realize, with a silent and internal chuckle, that I’m not actually on the pitch. *I* didn’t lose. I can’t control the little men on my television screen. So I go play some football myself, and try to focus on doing the little things right (a version of What Would Garry Monk Do?, I guess).
10. Did I already mention drinking? Oh, I did. Excellent.
* Okay, I do care to see another Clint Dempsey bass-fishing photo. They’re just delightful.
Thanks to Eric for these tips! I certainly took one of them this weekend, I know that much. And it wasn't gardening. You can follow him on Twitter @AustinJackArmy