After we discussed which fictional character we'd like in charge of the Swans on this week's Jackcast, it got me wondering who would make an "all time fantasy XI"
Slightly less serious than normal then. People have commented that I should do some more light-hearted content, and picking my all time fantasy XI seems a good laugh to me. As mentioned in the title, this week's Twitter question on The JackCast (the Swansea City fan podcast - check it out here if you haven't already!) was "Which fictional character would you like to see in charge of the Swans?", and I have to say I was quite pleased with the options I came up with.
My first thought was The Fonz. This was partly motivated by his famous double thumbs up - Matt Harrison, the host of The JackCast, is famous for his double thumbs up photos - but the more I think about it the more I like it. Imagine if we got to an FA Cup Final and had to have suits fitted - everyone would be in jeans and leather jackets! Plus, I love the idea of Fonzie rocking into Huw's office and opening with "Hey! Mr J!". I'd also speculate he could have used his famous "whack his elbow into something to make it work trick" on Alvaro Vazquez, but that's probably against workers rights.
Next, I thought maybe it should be someone with a bit of motivational hwyl. Step forward Tony Montana - AKA Scarface. He's vaguely South American (Central American?) so he'd appreciate a decent style of football, while you better be sure you play to 100% with old Scarface in charge. He wouldn't suffer fools for a second, and I think his press conferences would be epic. "I'm ******* Tony Montana!!".
My last shout for manager was Del Boy. He's already got a Big-Ron style sheepskin, and again, his press conferences would be incredible. He'd be dropping in stupid French and Italian phrases all over the shop, and I bet he's got an eye for a player. Plus, you can bet your bottom dollar that he'd be a whizz in the transfer market. He'd have got Michu for a case of knock-off cutlery and half a dozen porcelain Siamese cats that play "How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?"...
As the title suggest though, this is about the team. Who's made the cut? In goals you'd need someone who is both completely unaffected by fear, and who has a safe set of hands. Step forward Stretch Armstrong! Once he'd been suggested he was an obvious choice for so many reasons, and as anyone who accidentally broke theirs open when they were a kid will know the inside of Stretch is very sticky indeed. Make him take one for the team and pinprick his hands, and the ball will literally stick any time he gets his mitts on it. Poifect.
In defence, I was thinking about what kind of character would make a good full-back then I got thinking - surely twins would offer you great balance, as well as a telepathic link which could stand you in good stead? Ok, it didn't work for Man Utd with Fabio & Rafael, but that hasn't stopped me appointing WilyKit & WilyKat of The Thundercats as our attacking wingbacks. Undoubted cult favourites, their hoverboards would definitely aid their forays down the flanks while a look at their Wikipedia page tells me they "use tricks and traps to combat evil". That should do the job away at Stoke!
Centreback is a position which requires the player in question to have a certain...imperiousness about them, and one of the answers I got on Twitter when I asked who should make a fantasy XI was Kratos - from the God of War computer game series. I can't say I've played it myself, but I Googled him and he looks like a nasty bastard, so that'll do for me. Now who to pair him with?
If you've got one centre-half who's liable to get pulled out of position in a bid to smash a centre-forward, his defensive partner should be a bit of a cooler customer. Not averse to physicality by any means, but a bit of a thinker, and that's why I've gone with Jason Bourne. Cultured after spending a lot of time overseas, he's got a great eye for detail and can assess a situation for potential danger like no-one else. Rumoured to have a nagging feeling he should be playing for a big club, but can't quite remember why so for now he's content playing for the Swans.
In midfield, I think we'd still have to stick with the Swans' system so let's go with three in the middle. I'm thinking Socrates definitely has to get in there - and no, not the Brazilian footballer. The Greek philosopher was famed in the field of ethics, and I think he'd be the perfect man to set the tempo and extol the virtues of the Swansea way. As much as I think that would work, you'd then need a bit of muscle to go with it and who better than Captain America? Shirt sales in the US alone would make his inclusion worth it, but his drive and engine would be second to none. In terms of a box to box midfielder you couldn't do much better!
That just leaves one other central midfielder, and I think the perfect man to provide the link between attack and midfield is James Bond. Again, in terms of marketing it'd be genius, but on the field his guile and predilection for doing the unusual would surely come up trumps more often than not. Especially when you see who we've got on the wings. The other thing Bond would be good for is his connections with the establishment. In terms of getting paperwork done at the last minute on deadline day and pulling a few strings behind the scenes, having a direct line to the old boy network surely can't be a bad thing. Plus, think of the gizmos Q would give him to play with ahead of a South Wales derby!
Out wide then. Key to this position is (obviously) pace, and who is faster than Billy Whizz? The Beano character is famously fast and the only difficulty would be keeping track of him as he flies up and down the flank. On the other side, a great Twitter suggestion sees Icarus get the nod. He famously flew too close to the sun and had his wings singed, and as the son of Daedalus (a master craftsman in his own right) he's clearly got talent in the blood. What's more, he'd be over all the impudent genius stuff (what with seeing his wings burned) and similar to Cristiano Ronaldo you'd imagine he'd put in the legwork to go with his undoubted ability.
That just leaves centre-forward. I wanted to pick Roy of the Rovers but I was informed that was cheating, so again I return to a suggestion and we're going to go with Inspector Gadget leading the line. With two tasty wingers and an unpredictable attacking midfielder behind him it's important he's able to latch on to anything that gets played into him, but given his tendency to shout "Go Go Gadget <insert limb/other item>" you'd imagine he wouldn't have a problem getting his bonce on any speculative centres. I think the "gadget neck" thing would prove to be particularly handy!
There you have then, my Fantasy Swans XI. Just a bit of fun - who would you have in your fantasy team?
Out wide then. Key to this position is (obviously) pace, and who is faster than Billy Whizz? The Beano character is famously fast and the only difficulty would be keeping track of him as he flies up and down the flank. On the other side, a great Twitter suggestion sees Icarus get the nod. He famously flew too close to the sun and had his wings singed, and as the son of Daedalus (a master craftsman in his own right) he's clearly got talent in the blood. What's more, he'd be over all the impudent genius stuff (what with seeing his wings burned) and similar to Cristiano Ronaldo you'd imagine he'd put in the legwork to go with his undoubted ability.
That just leaves centre-forward. I wanted to pick Roy of the Rovers but I was informed that was cheating, so again I return to a suggestion and we're going to go with Inspector Gadget leading the line. With two tasty wingers and an unpredictable attacking midfielder behind him it's important he's able to latch on to anything that gets played into him, but given his tendency to shout "Go Go Gadget <insert limb/other item>" you'd imagine he wouldn't have a problem getting his bonce on any speculative centres. I think the "gadget neck" thing would prove to be particularly handy!
There you have then, my Fantasy Swans XI. Just a bit of fun - who would you have in your fantasy team?